The Christmas season is upon us... (screech) ok, that just sounds like the beginning of a hallmark commercial or a speech given before the Christmas offering.. so I will start again.
I love Christmas. I do not mean that I "like" Christmas..that I am excited about Christmas..or that I hope to consume large amounts of cookies in the next 12 days. I mean that I LOVE Christmas. There is something about the reminder that Christ came as a baby. A baby, a helpless baby. Dependant upon people to care for His every need. Came down to us as a gift. It blows me away. It brings tears to my eyes like nothing else.
I just finished up a week of rehearsals and two days of performances of the annual Christmas "pageant". My daughter sang in the show and it was cute as can be. They sang Rudolph the red nosed reindeer and a song about hearing the angels sing of Jesus' birth in Bethlehem. I sang... wait for it.... "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire." Now, I am not in any way saying that this is a bad song. It is one of my favorites to listen to when driving in my car going Christmas shopping. I even sing along to it. But I have to be honest with you all today. I have been sick to my stomach all weekend over this. It is actually funny, because I am not some high horse better than you person..but I am sad to my core that I was in front of over 2500 people and the song I sang on a stage in a spotlight was "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire". I actually was talking to God about it last night and could not sleep. It may sound silly. It may even make some of you mad that I am even saying it.. but I felt ashamed that I took that platform and glorified anything other than Jesus. I am in tears as I am typing this. This was not a song I chose to sing.. but I agreed to do it. I believe that we are given platforms in our life for one purpose only. To glorify God. It may sound drastic. It may get me labeled a jerk, a Jesus-freak, a whiner, a loser, a weirdo, an idiot. But I do know that I lived a large portion of my life glorifying ME and living for ME.. and it left me empty. I know that when I made the decision to die to self and to live for Jesus that I truly began living. I know that He saved me from the depths and I am grateful beyond words. Why would it be worthy of anything less than my whole life and my whole heart given to Him?
I guess I am just using this blog as a therapy session this morning. Honestly it is probably not going to make me very popular with the people I sang on a stage with. But I have to speak the truth. I have to be willing to say I was wrong about something. I have to be willing to stand up and say that I am not going to just entertain. I am going to use what HE has given me.. a voice.. to Glorify HIM and HIM alone.
Merry Christmas Everyone..
Heather
I enjoyed the song very much, but I understand what you're saying. I look forward to this next weekend, you have such a beautiful gift in your voice and the heart and passion you sing with.
ReplyDeleteHeather,
ReplyDeletePLEASE stop being so hard on yourself and beating yourself up! You are not perfect and neither am I. Neither are your fans. We all understand. And so does our sweet Jesus. Do you think He's looking at you, shaking His head and saying," Heather, Heather, Heather, what WERE you thinking? I am so disappointed in you." As Mr. Spock used to say on Star Trek -- 'highly unlikely.' Jesus is not judging you. I am not judging you. I see no judgmental comments flooding this post. the only one sitting in judgement here is YOU, my dear.
So STOP. NOW. PLEASE. Okay? It's A SONG. Not a Katy Perry or a Lady Gaga song. But a Christmas song. A beautiful Christmas song. Nothing more. I'm sure people were delighted to hear your beautiful voice, as was your daughter. Whenever I hear that song, I think back to my childhood and think about my parents. They loved that song. Maybe you brought back some wonderful, happy memories for many of the folks sitting in the audience, sparking some love, comfort and joy in their hearts. God can -- and does -- use anything and everything to touch a cold, broken heart and spirit. Including secular Christmas tunes.
I love the way your music and your writings glorify God. I love who you are. Smile, my dear. :)
Grace and peace,
Pam
http://pam-intheshadowofhiswings.blogspot.com