uncomfortable ....

I woke up this morning in my central AC/heating. Went to the kitchen and popped a K-cup in my Kurieg and sipped my coffee. Went to my pantry and picked from the overflow of groceries what I was going to pack in my children's lunches. I went over to my Mac notebook and checked all my social networking sites and emails. Laughed at clever status updates and lamented over sad ones. I then went and took a hot shower in my own bathroom in my rather large house. I then went to my walk in closet and picked out my clothes for the day. I check Pinterest to see what kind of outfit I want to create etc. I pick out a classic black blazer and white top and top it off with my MAC Russian red lipstick and use my Chi straightener to make my hair look "did". I then gather my children into their school uniforms to go to my new car. I start up my car and open the sunroof and tell the sync to play my morning playlist. I am cruising on a road with not a lot of traffic and I am in harmony with nature and Starbucks. It is a good day. I am feeling good. My kids are feeling good. My life is good.. no worries, no pain.. no.
I wonder. How much of God am I missing? How much of Him speaking to me am I muffling? It is a sobering thought. Today being Ash Wednesday I have been mulling over in my mind what I am to give up for the next 6 weeks and honestly a few of the things scare the crap out of me. The thought of giving them up has me in an all out panic attack. I am finding myself putting myself under the microscope, and I do not like what it shows me. A self centered, placid in suburbia soccer mom heaven in my ideal life in my ideal comfort zone. Comfort zone.. think about that phrase for a moment. Comfort-a state of ease and satisfaction of bodily wants, with freedom from pain and anxiety. Zone-any continuous tract or area that differs in some respect, or is distinguished for some purpose, from adjoining tracts or areas, or within which certain distinctive circumstances exist or are established.
So What I have done is created a continual tract of absolute self satisfaction and bow to any want I feel.
To say that this is not a picture of who I want to be is a gross understatement that is ridiculous to even type actually. Why do I create such comfort for myself? Why do I feel the need to have satisfaction surround me? What is it that I am placing in place of God? As I think about it I am convicted. No, I am disgusted. I sincerely am at a loss.
I am taking the next 6 weeks and giving up some "comfort" in my life. I know it is going to be tough. I know I am not going to like it... actually I probably will hate it and not be the nicest person to be around for the next few days, but I am praying that by denying myself some comfort I will put God back in the place He should be in my life. The place where I can literally have Him BE my comfort.

I am not telling you what you should do or how to do it, but I do know that this is a perfect opportunity during Lent to take 6 weeks and let go of some "comforts" in your life and let God be comfort for you.

In Christ,
Heather

Parking wars.....

T

There is nothing quite like a south Florida early evening in February. The temperature is perfect somewhere between 75 and 82. Blue skies and sun. Breeze on the water and somewhere in earshot is a live band usually playing island/reggae music. You are instantly put in relaxation mode. You find yourself walking with your flip flops in your hand and your feet in sun kissed sand. ahhhhhh...
Sounds nice.. right? Well, that was yesterday for me. I was in relaxation mode. I had had a fairly full and crazy few weeks and we decided that we would take a drive to the beach and grab some dinner. The windows are down the music is up. The kids are not fighting in the back seat. We are for all intensive purposes a happy go lucky all American Family. Then... it happens. Well, let me just back it up a bit.. I was, no joke, a picture of calm and happy. I was the car cruise director.. stating fun things we were going to do, how beautiful it was outside.. how amazing God was to create such a day... then, I am waiting for a parking space that was premium I tell you. All other spaces in the overflow lot were taken but I had spotted this perfect one two spots from the front and I am literally saying "see, we are blessed.. look at this great parking spo...."
Then IT happened. Out of nowhere from the road comes this lady in a gas guzzling monster vehicle and zips right into MY spot. I instantly begin to turn green and my jeans are splitting from the Bruce Banner like Hulk transformations that took place in a split second.. I then hear out of my mouth.. MY mouth.. the same one that was just talking about how blessed we were say something to the effect of... "oh NO she Dient!" " Did you see that?! Did you just SEE THAT?!" "she just done took MY spot" "Oh I am going to talk to HER?!" It is a rant that would make my Detroit born heritage proud. No profanity.. although I was close (just being honest..) I then go down 17 spaces to find the LAST spot in the lot and am huffing and puffing. The kids get out and we start walking towards the restaurant...right past the lady who pulled into MY spot. It is then that I hear my daughter say rather loudly...You took MY mommy's spot! Oh, I am going to talk to YOU!"
Has this ever happened to you? Have you ever been in the mindset of that everything is ok.. all is peaceful and calm, and then POW! You find yourself in a battle with your tongue? Biting it until there are teeth marks and puncture wounds? Yeah, I have. I am going to admit it.. I was embarrassed. I was ashamed that my careless words flung out in frustration were picked up by my 8n year old who then felt it necessary to fling them at a lady who took a parking spot. i mean it is kind of hilarious no? There are things in our lives that go legitimately bad and we don't even flinch but insignificant things like that we blow up about.
I talked to my kids and had to apologize for my over-reaction(yeah, you could say THAT again) and ate some real crow with my meal. This morning I prayed for God to help me more with my careless words flung in temper tantrums.

P.s. It's just a parking spot.

running...running.. running...

This is going to be a brutally honest Blog post today. As I sit typing this I am in conflict within myself. I am feeling a knot in my stomach and a lump in my throat. It is probably good no one is around me because I am pretty sure I am behaving like a Bi-polar hormonal chick and it might get weepy up in here.
You see, I just got back from doing some "gigs" on the road and I am at this space where I love what I do and I am extremely blessed beyond belief and wanting to be the best. I struggle with watching record sales and charts and all that stuff that either gives you an ego or makes you feel like the biggest loser ever. Right now I am struggling with feeling like the biggest loser ever. I am struggling with insecurities about who I am in this "business". I am panicked about making sure I am constantly practicing and moving forward. It is exhausting. I find myself over the last few days really struggling with these things. I am not putting all this out there for people to then comment about how great I am and all of that.. I am just wanting to be transparent. I feel the need to be. You see, I am only one of many who are doing this for a living. We can puff out our "stage chests" all we want..but we all struggle with these same issues. From the very top to the very bottom. We all have times we feel invisible, not relevant, loserish and ignored. It is not a pleasant feeling. In fact it is a very very UNpleasent feeling that I try to stuff down a lot of the time. But today.. today I am reading in 1 Corinthians chapter 9. I am reading about a race and a prize. I am reading about being free from the chains of peoples opinions and expectations. I am free because of the experience I have had with Jesus. I am free in order to then show others the change He has made in my life and share it. Free. This word, even as I type it is lifting my spirits. I mean, that is a powerful little word. 4 letters...an escape..a way out.. a way to be..free.
This is such a mind altering thing for me today and I wanted to share it. I know I am not the only one who goes through ups and downs emotionally. I know that singers are not the only people who feel these emotions. I want to let you know we are free.
I look further down at verses 24-27 and I am even more encouraged. In fact I am downright challenged by it.
"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.


wow.

So much I could dissect here and analyze. So much meat to chew on and ponder. I mean.. if that does not take my eyes off of my emotions and point it to truth I do not know what will. I want to have the discipline to not be subject to my emotions dictating who I am. I am not any of those negative things. I am free in Christ and called to run a race, to TRAIN for that race and then run like heck towards the prize. The prize that is eternity. I am to run in a way that shows others they can run too.

wow.

Thank you God for your word. Thank you that I can come to you no matter what I am "feeling" and lay it down and trust you to speak to me. Today I thank you for allowing me to know your freedom. Allowing me to be encouraged by your word. I love you Jesus. Thank you for coming to my rescue. Thank you for never leaving me or forsaking me. Thank you for calling me and allowing me to say YES to you.

heather