Parking wars.....

T

There is nothing quite like a south Florida early evening in February. The temperature is perfect somewhere between 75 and 82. Blue skies and sun. Breeze on the water and somewhere in earshot is a live band usually playing island/reggae music. You are instantly put in relaxation mode. You find yourself walking with your flip flops in your hand and your feet in sun kissed sand. ahhhhhh...
Sounds nice.. right? Well, that was yesterday for me. I was in relaxation mode. I had had a fairly full and crazy few weeks and we decided that we would take a drive to the beach and grab some dinner. The windows are down the music is up. The kids are not fighting in the back seat. We are for all intensive purposes a happy go lucky all American Family. Then... it happens. Well, let me just back it up a bit.. I was, no joke, a picture of calm and happy. I was the car cruise director.. stating fun things we were going to do, how beautiful it was outside.. how amazing God was to create such a day... then, I am waiting for a parking space that was premium I tell you. All other spaces in the overflow lot were taken but I had spotted this perfect one two spots from the front and I am literally saying "see, we are blessed.. look at this great parking spo...."
Then IT happened. Out of nowhere from the road comes this lady in a gas guzzling monster vehicle and zips right into MY spot. I instantly begin to turn green and my jeans are splitting from the Bruce Banner like Hulk transformations that took place in a split second.. I then hear out of my mouth.. MY mouth.. the same one that was just talking about how blessed we were say something to the effect of... "oh NO she Dient!" " Did you see that?! Did you just SEE THAT?!" "she just done took MY spot" "Oh I am going to talk to HER?!" It is a rant that would make my Detroit born heritage proud. No profanity.. although I was close (just being honest..) I then go down 17 spaces to find the LAST spot in the lot and am huffing and puffing. The kids get out and we start walking towards the restaurant...right past the lady who pulled into MY spot. It is then that I hear my daughter say rather loudly...You took MY mommy's spot! Oh, I am going to talk to YOU!"
Has this ever happened to you? Have you ever been in the mindset of that everything is ok.. all is peaceful and calm, and then POW! You find yourself in a battle with your tongue? Biting it until there are teeth marks and puncture wounds? Yeah, I have. I am going to admit it.. I was embarrassed. I was ashamed that my careless words flung out in frustration were picked up by my 8n year old who then felt it necessary to fling them at a lady who took a parking spot. i mean it is kind of hilarious no? There are things in our lives that go legitimately bad and we don't even flinch but insignificant things like that we blow up about.
I talked to my kids and had to apologize for my over-reaction(yeah, you could say THAT again) and ate some real crow with my meal. This morning I prayed for God to help me more with my careless words flung in temper tantrums.

P.s. It's just a parking spot.

running...running.. running...

This is going to be a brutally honest Blog post today. As I sit typing this I am in conflict within myself. I am feeling a knot in my stomach and a lump in my throat. It is probably good no one is around me because I am pretty sure I am behaving like a Bi-polar hormonal chick and it might get weepy up in here.
You see, I just got back from doing some "gigs" on the road and I am at this space where I love what I do and I am extremely blessed beyond belief and wanting to be the best. I struggle with watching record sales and charts and all that stuff that either gives you an ego or makes you feel like the biggest loser ever. Right now I am struggling with feeling like the biggest loser ever. I am struggling with insecurities about who I am in this "business". I am panicked about making sure I am constantly practicing and moving forward. It is exhausting. I find myself over the last few days really struggling with these things. I am not putting all this out there for people to then comment about how great I am and all of that.. I am just wanting to be transparent. I feel the need to be. You see, I am only one of many who are doing this for a living. We can puff out our "stage chests" all we want..but we all struggle with these same issues. From the very top to the very bottom. We all have times we feel invisible, not relevant, loserish and ignored. It is not a pleasant feeling. In fact it is a very very UNpleasent feeling that I try to stuff down a lot of the time. But today.. today I am reading in 1 Corinthians chapter 9. I am reading about a race and a prize. I am reading about being free from the chains of peoples opinions and expectations. I am free because of the experience I have had with Jesus. I am free in order to then show others the change He has made in my life and share it. Free. This word, even as I type it is lifting my spirits. I mean, that is a powerful little word. 4 letters...an escape..a way out.. a way to be..free.
This is such a mind altering thing for me today and I wanted to share it. I know I am not the only one who goes through ups and downs emotionally. I know that singers are not the only people who feel these emotions. I want to let you know we are free.
I look further down at verses 24-27 and I am even more encouraged. In fact I am downright challenged by it.
"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.


wow.

So much I could dissect here and analyze. So much meat to chew on and ponder. I mean.. if that does not take my eyes off of my emotions and point it to truth I do not know what will. I want to have the discipline to not be subject to my emotions dictating who I am. I am not any of those negative things. I am free in Christ and called to run a race, to TRAIN for that race and then run like heck towards the prize. The prize that is eternity. I am to run in a way that shows others they can run too.

wow.

Thank you God for your word. Thank you that I can come to you no matter what I am "feeling" and lay it down and trust you to speak to me. Today I thank you for allowing me to know your freedom. Allowing me to be encouraged by your word. I love you Jesus. Thank you for coming to my rescue. Thank you for never leaving me or forsaking me. Thank you for calling me and allowing me to say YES to you.

heather

He who is and always will be....

I was watching "Armageddon week" on the History channel 2 last night (wow does SHE know how to party on new years eve). First off, let me just clarify that it was something I stumbled on and seeing that It was almost midnight I thought..eh, why not. So, there I was emerged in black holes, collapsing stars and our ozone being eaten away to leave us all to die when one of the scientists says something that I guess you could say..made me think. He said; about black holes, "you can try to do something about it.. you could shoot a thousand nuclear bombs into it..but it will not change the fact that the black hole is going to come and swallow the earth. It is just going to happen. there is no changing it." wow. sobering. I sat and contemplated the horror of knowing that something was going to destroy the earth and that we as humans would foolishly be trying in vain to alter the reality all the while it is inching towards us. And as with almost everything I read, see or hear I begin to think about it in other ways. For me I began to think about God. How he has always been God. He Is God. How He is always going to be God. That before time began He held it all in His hands and planned it all out. We try so very hard to foolishly put it together and plan our lives and our aspirations. Those of us who Know Him and have a relationship we still try to put God into these little pockets of ourselves and attempt to pass it off as "the will of God in our life". We push and struggle for admiration and approval from everyone all in the name of "Gods calling"(s) on our lives. All the while God is there continuing to BE God. Continuing to weave it all together. We take a scripture like Romans 8:28 and say that no matter.. He will make it all work out for me. Which IS true, but how humongous of a thought to think of if we were in full submission to what GOD wanted and how much MORE powerful that scripture would be and act out in our lives. It is in the perfect submission to God's will that He is able to perfectly work things together. Free will is not an excuse for the believer to do whatever we want. It is not an excuse to be loose with our lives for the sake of "fitting in" or not "reaching out" it is not an excuse. Yet even in our Christian-ese world we seem to act like it is. We twist theologies and squeeze "truth" out of our own thoughts and opinions all the while.. God is still God. He is weaving it all together. In our foolishness we scurry around like teeny tiny ants puffing our chests out and saying "look how many important things GOD has me doing!" "Look at MY ministry that GOD has me doing!" "Listen to how GOD has told me to do these GREAT things!" All the while God is still God. he is weaving it together.
These thoughts are very sobering to me. Go figure a sober thought from me on New years day. But honestly my desire truly is to have God's hand guide my life, and quite honestly more often than not I am the one with my big fat hand on the wheel. Steering and telling everyone it is God. Is it though? It is cheesastic to the core in my opinion to make a bunch of "New Years Resolutions" but I have to say, in this new year I truly want to grow more in my complete trust and submission to God's will in my life. I hope and pray that for all of us. So that He who was and is and is to come will be able to bring to fruition all He has planned.

Happiest of New Years to all of you!
Much Much Love,
Heather