I am sitting outside on my porch and honestly do not even know how to start this post. I feel like I have been punched in the gut and I can't shake the sick feeling in my stomach. There are so many moments in our lives that we take for granted. There are so many little small still voices that whisper to us that we just ignore and chalk up to emotion or think we can get to it later. Two nights ago I felt like I was supposed to email my birth dad and tell him thank you for congratulating us on the birth of Luke. I felt like I was supposed to reach out.. but I didn't. I don't know why, I just put it off and felt like I was so tired that once the baby got settled that I would.
This morning I received a call that caught me off guard, blindsided me really. I found out that my birth father, Mike Holder Sr. had been in a car accident this morning and was killed instantly. I can not even begin to process this information. I have been crying for what seems like 3 hours straight and just can not seem to stop. Mike Holder Sr. was not a part of my life. He and I did not have a close relationship..but he is my father. I ask that you all would pray for his family, he has three other children besides my older brother and I and they are all in high school and younger. I know they must be so devistated. I ask that you pray for me as well, that God would help me process all of this and not have saddness and regret take over. I mourn for the loss that took place a long time ago that now will never in this life have a chance for closure. I do know that Mike Holder Sr. is in heaven. I am grateful and at peace about that.
Thank you for your prayers,