I am sitting outside on my porch and honestly do not even know how to start this post. I feel like I have been punched in the gut and I can't shake the sick feeling in my stomach. There are so many moments in our lives that we take for granted. There are so many little small still voices that whisper to us that we just ignore and chalk up to emotion or think we can get to it later. Two nights ago I felt like I was supposed to email my birth dad and tell him thank you for congratulating us on the birth of Luke. I felt like I was supposed to reach out.. but I didn't. I don't know why, I just put it off and felt like I was so tired that once the baby got settled that I would.
This morning I received a call that caught me off guard, blindsided me really. I found out that my birth father, Mike Holder Sr. had been in a car accident this morning and was killed instantly. I can not even begin to process this information. I have been crying for what seems like 3 hours straight and just can not seem to stop. Mike Holder Sr. was not a part of my life. He and I did not have a close relationship..but he is my father. I ask that you all would pray for his family, he has three other children besides my older brother and I and they are all in high school and younger. I know they must be so devistated. I ask that you pray for me as well, that God would help me process all of this and not have saddness and regret take over. I mourn for the loss that took place a long time ago that now will never in this life have a chance for closure. I do know that Mike Holder Sr. is in heaven. I am grateful and at peace about that.
Thank you for your prayers,
Heather
Not that I can know what you're feeling, because I can't. But, I do know the pain that comes from decisions I wish I'd made differently - particularly in the last days of my Dad's life, little moments, seemingly insignificant at the time. You have my sincerest prayers for hope and peace and I pray that you will add me to yours for the same reason. His family will be in our prayers, too.
ReplyDeleteMark
Heather of course I will be lifting you up, I know that sometimes we keep in the back of our mind that possibly someday things could be different, things somehow will be what we wished they had. To have that dream completely crushed is such a shock to the soul,and the heart. You are such a sweet woman and one that uses your lifes heartaches to heal those in need. I am sending you my love, I ache for you. I pray for that you do not beat yourself up. Love you Shellie Nichol
ReplyDelete"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18
ReplyDelete"Cast your burden on the Lord,and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken." Psalm 55:22
"My flesh and my heart may fail, But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:26
May these verses help ease your burden. We love you, and I've added you and your family to my prayer list. I am grateful you know he is in heaven. That is a blessing. You will meet again and share love that cannot be imagined here on earth.
Heather,
ReplyDeleteMy deepest sympathy and prayers. I am so sorry for the loss of your birth father. I believe that God is above and beyond time and space. After all, He created all there is, including those things. Therefore, your prayers for your father now are just as effective as if you had reached out the day before. Your reaching out would not have prevented his death, and your prayers now are for him to be at peace with the Lord. Regret is not something God wishes for you. He is with you in your sadness and wants you to know of His love for you and for your father. And your father is with you, too. Death does not end relationships and you can still tell your father whatever it is you wanted to say.
Be at peace, Heather, and know you have my prayer. I will also pray for the repose of your birth father's soul.