This morning is a hot mess of a blur to me. Could have been the alarm clock that did not go off. Could have been the dog that decided to run off. Could have been the frantic search for socks that match for the kids. Could have been the pace of a three toed sloth that my daughter decided to move at. Could have been my son's obsession with getting new shoes so he could run faster and his old ones were not good enough. It could have been any number of those things. But I think, just maybe.. it was when I saw out of the corner of my eye a tiny white sock being thrown across the room that I snapped. I DO remember the look on my sons face as I yelled and then him starting to cry and saying "Why do you have to yell." Ah, yes, I DO remember that quite clearly. It was dead silent for about 15 seconds and trying not to cry myself and slink away in shame I sunk to my knees beside him and looked him in the eyes and said I was so sorry. He hugged me and said softly, "it's ok mom. I get mad too. I love you." It was that that got me. We loaded up and drove to school.
Here we are just days before mothers day. Now I could go on a rant about it being a Hallmark card invented "holiday" but I am going to refrain from that. What I want to do is focus on our moms. We all have them. Weather we want them or not. They gave birth to us. Some of them might have only done that and then not been part of our lives. Some may have done an amazing job of raising us and we talk to them all the time and giggle and have girl talk. Some may have horrible memories of their moms that they would rather forget. Some have volatile relationships with their moms. Some may have lost their moms already and miss them terribly. Point is... we all have them and if we have children of our own then we ARE them to someone else. One thing I have learned from being a mom (besides that I am a hot head who can revert to the maturity of a 4 year old in2 seconds) is that we are not perfect. We make mistakes. Some of us admit that we make mistakes. Sometimes we hide our mistakes and try to act like we are perfect. It can be exhausting. I remember before I had children I would dread mothers day. I was given away by my mom at age 11. She was never there for me and I harboured a lot of resentment and anger towards her. I would mope and tell anyone who would listen about what a crock Mothers Day was and that I hated it. I was selfish really. You see, I was choosing to not forgive my own mother and somehow I would be able to raise children of my own someday that would forgive me. Ouch. Truth is that we are told in Matthew this (pay attention to verses 14 and 15)
Matthew 6:6-15 (The Message)
6 "Here's what I want you to do: Find a quiet, secluded place so you won't be tempted to role-play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense his grace. 7 "The world is full of so-called prayer warriors who are prayer-ignorant. They're full of formulas and programs and advice, peddling techniques for getting what you want from God. 8 Don't fall for that nonsense. This is your Father you are dealing with, and he knows better than you what you need. 9 With a God like this loving you, you can pray very simply. Like this: Our Father in heaven, Reveal who you are. 10 Set the world right; Do what's best - as above, so below. 11 Keep us alive with three square meals. 12 Keep us forgiven with you and forgiving others. 13 Keep us safe from ourselves and the Devil. You're in charge! You can do anything you want! You're ablaze in beauty! Yes. Yes. Yes. 14 "In prayer there is a connection between what God does and what you do. You can't get forgiveness from God, for instance, without also forgiving others. 15 If you refuse to do your part, you cut yourself off from God's part.
It is tough sometimes to see past our own experiences to what God is doing or Who God is. Forgiveness is an amazing gift. Not just to the person who you give it to but to yourself as well. Life is not fair. Life is hard. Life is ugly at times. But there ARE times when life is beautiful and wonderful and some of those times are when you still have the chance to have your little children be so willing to forgive you. God help me if I can't get that I need to be forgiving towards my own mother. Mom, I forgive you. I have told you that in person and want to continue to extend it to you. God is an amazing God who is able to restore and rebuild.
This Mothers Day give your mom forgiveness. Maybe your issues with her are not as severe as mine, maybe they are..either way..forgive. No promise that it will all be better or that rainbows and unicorns will appear and you will go to tea together blah blah.. but you WILL have given the same gift Christ Jesus gave to us and extends to us even in our worst offenses. Give forgiveness.
Happy Mothers Day to all you Moms out there!