smoke and mirrors..and then there is reality.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

The alarm screams at me from across the room. It is sitting right where I put it last night in my brilliant attempt to make sure I actually GOT out of bed to turn it off, which would then force me to have to wake up. It kind of works, in that it DOES make me get out of bed to turn it off but I am far from being awake. The shuffle to the Kurig starts and the rhythm I make with my bare feet across the wood floor is like a whisper telling me.. go back to bed..
I continue my trek across the "Sahara" and reach the promise land and my coffee cup is filled in 2 minutes with a hot cup of black coffee. I sip, and only then do my eyes open with the slight hope of actual coherent thought to follow. Second sip, I am ready to go. I crack the morning whip and the kids are up, breakfast on the table, lunches packed and then I am off to shower and dress quickly before we leave for school. I stop for a moment in front of the mirror before I get to the shower and wince. Who in the HECK is that ugly, bed head, no make-up chick? Ugh! It is me in all my REAL glory and flaws staring at me, laughing at me and making me want to consider having no mirrors anywhere near where I have to shower or even have to look at myself.
It is REALITY that can shock us. It is REALITY that makes us want to become something else.. or is it? Maybe it is not reality that causes us to long for or thing we have to be more.. maybe it is the fact that we have bought into that "smoke and mirrors" ARE reality. They are NOT. I am not just talking about our outward appearances. That is only scratching the surface, quite literally. How about our lives as mothers? We feel the need to update our social networking sites with cheery, witty, and self gloating and sometimes downright lying about our lives and all it's "grandeur". It makes us feel "better" about ourselves.. but WHY? What is wrong with reality... I for one am sick of the whole lot of it. It is CRAP that we buy into. There is no reason to feel we have to make ourselves appear to be perfect.. I am NOT perfect. I have NO desire to be perfect or to attempt to look perfect. I want to learn to embrace the cracks and flaws and realize that beauty is not beauty when it is a carbon copy of a zillion others "works of art". I am an original.. so are you.

OK.. babble blog done for the evening.. I have to go eat a donut and sip some coffee at 8pm on a Thursday.. I MAY even lose my temper or say something stupid before the night is through.
How about you?

1 comment:

  1. This is a juncture that I find myself at again and again. It is my goal to arrive at a point on this journey where all of the impressions that I put out there are transparent views of who I really am, but, I still end up needing to come back to this particular intersection again and again, seemingly, without ever having made any progress. The only real transparency that I have can be viewed by looking at my outward appearance, big spare tire = undisciplined. Undisciplined is a key word that describes who I am. As a parent, a person, and a child of God. My hope is found in the idea that there is strength in weakness and in the concept of grace. Thanks H.