Raising the dead...

I remember staring at the tiny casket and having so many conflicting emotions. One, I was trying not to snicker at the site of eight grown men shuffling what looked like a cooler to a small hole and two, trying not to cry knowing my precious son was in that “cooler” and I was never going to see his precious face again. It was without a doubt the most removed from my body experience I had ever had. My son was dead and I was left here to grieve. In life we are dealt things that leave us frozen. They leave us feeling as if we are outside of our own bodies paralyzed with grief. Death is a part of life. It is the effect of sin entering the world when Adam and Eve chose to disobey God. It is the reason Jesus Christ chose to come as a human being and die for us. It is what Jesus defeated. Yes, He defeated death. Jesus bore our sins upon himself, died and then rose again. He came back to life! Now, take a moment and contemplate that. We read it so many times in Bible studies and hear it in sermons but have you ever taken just five minutes and actually contemplated the weight of that statement? He Died and CAME BACK TO LIFE. Takes your breath away. The thought of something being dead, all life removed from the body and then life returning to what was once empty and making it LIVE. Jesus, the ultimate sacrifice rose from the dead and defeated death. Scripture tells us in Romans Chapter 8 that the same power that raised Jesus from the dead lives in us. Wow. That is amazing. The SAME power that RAISED JESUS FROM THE DEAD lives in US. I am actually sitting here dumbfounded by that statement. Then I am realizing that all that is dead in me HE has raised back from the dead. All my past sins, my old life the things that brought me pain and suffering HE has helped me allow to die and then HE has raised them from that death and made them NEW. I am NEW! It never ceases to amaze me that in the simplest of scriptures that we read over so many times He can bring to us a fresh revelation. Dear God, help me to cruicify my flesh. Help me to deny the desires of my old life. Help me to allow them to die. Continue to raise the dead in me to the new life I have in You. Amen

baby steps......

Have you ever been at a place in your life where you just had God do something incredible? There is this rush of .. well.. emotions really. You feel like you could conquer anything, like nothing is impossible. Then “it” happens…. A roadblock, a tragedy, a friend betrays you, you can not figure a way out of another issue. What happens to that “rush” you just were experiencing? Well, for most of us we panic. We start freaking out and wondering.. “Why God!? Why is this happening to me?!”
Ever feel like you are the only one who experiences this garment of emotions?
What do we do in THAT moment is critical. It is probably THE most important step we take in the journey. The one step that says, I TRUST You God.
I remember when my kids were still only crawling. They desperately wanted to be more mobile. They would pull themselves up on anything they could. They would be so excited that they were standing! They would start clapping, laughing and just full of JOY. Then “it” happens. The realization that they don’t know what to do exactly. I am a few steps away holding out my arms encouraging them to just “walk to mommy..you can do it!” “Mommy’s got you..come on you can do it!” They would look at me do the “baby bounce” of “I WANT to do it.. but not really sure what to do? Can I bounce over to you?” Then after a few minutes of “trying” they would plop down and just cry. THIS is how we feel sometimes isn’t it? I can imagine our Daddy God holding out His arms just a few steps away encouraging us that “We can do it.. I got you!” And we just stand and bounce with fear and confusion.
The enemy likes us to focus on the FEAR of the situation. But GOD wants us to focus on HIM. The truth is, if our eyes are fixed on HIM, even if the storm rages we are not shaken. Isn’t that the lesson Peter learned? Oh we of little faith, myself SOO included. Today, I am fixing my eyes on Jesus, the AUTHOR and FINISHER of my faith. I am not going to be shaken by my circumstances but I will be footed in TRUTH!
Doesn’t mean that the fear is not there, it means I CHOOSE to not focus on it, but rather on Jesus!

Happy Monday everyone!
Heather

Scriptures to read today:
Hebrews 12:2
Matthew 14:22-33

Insecurity is a four letter word.....

I was having coffee with a friend yesterday morning and one of the questions we were discussing was .. How do you define insecurity? I answered.. Lack of worth. I have been contemplating that answer ever since.
It has been a vice of mine to pursue the approval of others. I can think back as far as my mind will allow me and pin point people I was trying to make "like" me or even "love" me. The ever out of reach love was pretty much what fueled my existence. It made me the most unlikely of optimists. A little girl abandoned and abused yet still holding out hope for the day it would stop and these people would love me. No wonder I struggle with insecurity. My worth has been tied up in the approval of others.. even others who don't like me or harm me. This blog is becoming a therapy session.. no?
When this journey began for me.. the one where I decided to lay it all out there for God to hear.. not just read my mind..but hear. It opened up a wound that I had held close for a while. It made me painfully aware of the fact that even though I KNEW that God loved me I still was living small parts of my life to "make Him love me". It is idiotic really. I mean, my head and my heart are obviously not on the same page and need to get it together...right? Total honesty and transparency are not just Church buzz words or Christian-eese to me. They are the absolute foundation to this relationship I have with God. They are the tools that are attempting daily to dig out of me this need to go after others approval and love. I have fought it. I have even tried to say it was not worth it.. but each time it digs a part out.. after the pain subsides I find myself injected with a little more worth. The kind that only takes a drop to make you stand a little taller. The worth that only my daddy God can give me. One day I will be able to stand completely. One day I will be able to look at my children's faces and not see my empty child-like self staring back at me. I will be able to fully embrace this Love and Worth. It might not be in this life.. I might have to wait until I step into eternity with God..but I am absolutely certain that no matter what God loves me.

-heather