willingness to be the person who listens ...

As most of you know I am pregnant with our 4th child.  I am almost 35 weeks which puts me into the "hormonal, slightly  phychotic bi-polar, i am ready to be DONE" category.  You know ladies who have had babies..the category NO ONE tells you about.  It is probably because we don't want to scare the crud out of you poor girls and let you know you become a raving lunatic and you really can't do anything about it but just go through it and pray that your husband does not move you to a hotel for the last few weeks of your pregnancy.  

In my state of mind I have really been feeling sorry for myself a lot lately.  I have felt left out of family events like walking and chewing gum at the same time.  (I tend to waddle more)  I have felt SLIGHTLY larger and a TAD unattractive when accidentally catching a glance of myself in the mirror while "dressing"... or as I like to call it, attempting to not fall on my face while putting on my pants while leaning against a wall while yelling at my husband for having the nerve to be able to dress himself.  I have felt pretty much useless.  It is not a great feeling.  OK, that is an understatement.. it STINKS!  Have I been brutally honest enough yet?  Well, I am sure by now some well intentioned ladies will send me kind, sweet notes about how it is all worth it and that I should just lean on Him and be still.  I am here to let you know that I KNOW all of that and yet I am still feeling this overwhelming sense of blah..  

I am one very blessed Chicky though, because I am lucky enough to have some friends who allow me to blow off steam and then laugh at myself in spite of myself.  It is probably the best therapy a $5 Starbucks drink (YES I DRANK COFFEE.. get over it) can buy.  It is in these moments of sipping the sweet nectar of the mermaid and having Godly yet good humored friends just sit with me that I find my sanity slowly slipping back into my body.  

So, what does this have to do with anything?  Well, honestly I have no "sage wisdom" for you today except to say thank you to all the friends out there who are willing to just sit and listen to us who need to just talk sometimes.  You may feel like it is no big deal..but it is a blessing to us.  I hope to return the favor once I stop being a crazy 9 month pregnant lady.  

Never underestimate the power of being a friend who is not afraid to just listen.

New glasses.....

     I have worn glasses for about as far back as I can remember.  My eyesight was so bad in one eye that I sported a patch over my right eye for about a year of my childhood.  This was before the coolness of pirates today, with the likes of Johnny Depp as Jack sparrow and all.  I was made fun of and hated my patch and quite frankly hated my glasses.  It was not pleasant to hear the names and taunts all because of my thick, ugly (imo) glasses.  It was around age 11 that I decided I would do without them.  I was living my life glasses free.  It was awesome.  Only when I would read for more than 10 minutes or so would my head hurt and I would have to squeeze my eyes to “get them to work” again.  It was not so bad.  I was not made fun of and honestly I forgot I even needed them after a while.  I got my drivers licence even.  I drove with no glasses.  It is a scary thought actually.

     When I married my husband he noticed that I would frequently squeeze my eyes while reading and asked if he could take me to the eye doctor.  I reluctantly agreed and went.  The doctor had a field day with me.  By the end of the exam he had ordered me contacts and glasses.  It was not what I wanted, but my husband was insistent that I be able to see.  A week or so later my contacts and glasses arrived and I popped the contacts in.  It was a strange feeling.  I could see better, but somehow the new prescription made me feel a little nauseated and dizzy after a while.  Those of you who wear glasses and have to get a new prescription every now and then will understand this sensation.  It was not pleasant.  I wanted to take them out immediately.  I was aware that the doctor told me to keep them in at least 5 hours a day to help my eyes strengthen and get used to the new prescription but I was NOT comfortable AT ALL. 

     I just had this same experience a few weeks ago, I had a brand new pair of glasses with a slightly stronger prescription prescribed to me.  I put the glasses on the day I got them and after 20 minutes I called the eye doctor to tell them they must have messed up the prescription because it was making me feel nauseated.  It had been probably 12 years since any significant change to my prescription and this new one was NOT working for me.  I drove to the doctors office, had them inspect my glasses, only to be told that the prescription was only slightly stronger than my last one and that I needed to give it time to allow my eyes to strengthen and get used to the new prescription. 

     Isn’t that how we view a new direction or calling that God places on our lives?  We get so comfortable in the place we are (physically and spiritually) that we freak out if God calls for a “new prescription” and it makes us feel “nauseated”.  We fight it, we take the other way, we stay where we are.  All because the strengthening that is needed to follow God’s direction is “new” and “not what we are used too.”  We tell ourselves, “God called me to where I am NOW ..Why would he want me to move?”  Just like a new pair of glasses with a stronger prescription so is the Voice of God when He speaks to our hearts to do something sometimes.  

     I think about Abraham, a man who had God tell him to leave EVERYTHING and go to a place that God WOULD tell him.  WOULD tell him, not “hey, you are going to go here, now and here is the plan.”  I personally find that thought terrifying.  Yet, Abraham obeyed and went.  I want to have faith like that.  I want to follow God’s voice and direction like that.  The calling of God on our lives may not be as dramatic as packing up everything and going to only God knows where…but it can still be like that pair of new glasses.. needed to strengthen our “sight”.  It may make us uncomfortable for a while, but it is what is called for in order for us to “see.”

schtuff Christians say..

I understand the sentiment behind "Why are we surprised when God has been taken out of our schools" but it is in extremely BAD TASTE and ignorant to say/post such things as if GOD ALLOWED this to happen solely because He has been "removed" from our schools.  Man cannot "take GOD" out of anything.  He can refuse to acknowledge Him but GOD is GOD no matter what.  Not only that but how dare we assume that the families of those who lost children were not of strong faith and taught their children about GOD at home and at church!  Did God allow my son to die because I had removed Him from my life somehow?  Did God allow a mom or dad to have cancer or get in a car accident and die because they are not allowing God in their life?  Ignorance and pride to assume that we can use that as an excuse for the human condition that Jesus Christ came to die for.  The same human condition that resides in all of us and even after we give our lives over to Him the enemy still (as scripture puts it) roars and prowls like a lion seeking whom he may devour.  Do you think that we can in the same "christianeese" language state that when things go wrong in our lives that "the enemy is sure attacking me, I must be doing something right" and "well, that tragedy is not surprising seeing that we have taken God out of school".  It is utterly disgusting to me that as Christians we would be so blind to the absolute ridiculousness of such statements.  PRAY for wisdom before speaking.  SEEK God before blanket statements that include INNOCENT life that was taken by a person who obviously was mentally unstable (to put it mildly) and carried out an evil that is unspeakable. 

PRAY for those families!  PRAY that God will pour out His comfort and mercy.  Next time you turn on the television to make sure you get all the "details" from the media ask yourself.. “Why am I wasting time on consuming this information and hit your knees to pray.”  Put your money where you mouth is.  Stop evoking the name of GOD to prove points and ask God to BREAK YOUR HEART for the lost and broken.  Ask God to USE your life to comfort and love others in His name.  The next time you are in a tragic situation (which I was and stupid ..stupid things were said to me, I am sure with good intention but without wisdom) glean from the people God sends your way to comfort you and apply it the next time someone is walking through tragedy.